I have read part of the book of Deuteronomy. What I have found is more offensive and more scary than what can be found as "offensive" on Encyclopedia Dramatica. I cannot begin to describe to you the pain and anguish it caused me. Instead, I shall let you read it yourselves.
So I have (not surprisingly) decided that Christianity is flawed in its ways. Instead, I shall live my life by the teachings and sayings of a much less flawed system:
Twainism.
The glory and brilliance of Mark Twain shall be my guide, with wonderful quips like:
All right, then, I'll go to hell.
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
-Mark Twain
If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
-Mark Twain
This man is a genius. My friend and I are hammering out the details of Twainism. Updates shall be posted as soon as more is known. As of this far, we believe in the Twinity:
As Mark Twain and Samuel Clemons are separate yet one
As Huckleberry Finn and Sarah Williams are separate yet one
Our Holy Book is Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
-Mark Twain
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